Balancing your life to avoid stress

by Jen (February 4, 2008)

Stress is unavoidable, but there are some basic rules to keep it from taking over your life.

Rule #1. You can’t please everybody.

And there’s no shame in it. It’s okay that you can’t always deliver what everyone wants from you. It’s also okay to set some boundaries and let them know you can’t do certain things for them anymore because you’re over-extended. And it’s very important not to say “yes” to new projects or tasks when you really don’t feel up to it.

It’s okay to say “I don’t have time” or “I’ll do it later” or “you should ask someone else.” In fact, it’s better to say those things than to scramble and do a mediocre job of it, or do a good job but be exhausted and depressed because you’ve taken no time for yourself.

Rule #2: Don’t let your possessions own you.
One of the big stress traps in today’s world is stuff. Don’t be a slave to buying everything you want, or shopping to fill an emotional void. Stuff costs money which you have to make; it breaks and has to be replaced; it doesn’t work like you wanted; it has to be dusted every week. And all these little problems add up to cost you time and energy. Think twice before bringing new stuff into your life.

Rule #3. Don’t expect what you can’t control.
It’s one thing to expect yourself to do a good job. It’s quite another to expect that you will be Senior VP or Veeping by age whatever, and married with X children. There are too many factors involved in promotions, in meeting someone you’re compatible with, etc. Hope for those things, but don’t expect them and don’t berate yourself if they don’t happen. Just focus on what you can control.

Rule #4. Don’t be a copycat.

What works for one person may not work for you. If you’re introverted, your extroverted friend’s technique for marketing herself at parties may just fall flat for you. But you probably have the ability to be taken more seriously than an extrovert, and in the right situation, that can be a big advantage for you. You have to look for your niche, not someone else’s.

Rule #5. If it ain’t working, break it.

We get stuck in jobs and relationships that aren’t working for us because we feel like we’ve already invested so much trying to make it work that we don’t want to leave until we get a return on that investment. Instead try thinking about it like stocks: sometimes you have to “cut your losses” - sell at a loss now to avoid a bigger loss later on. And don’t get angry about it, because anger pollutes your life. Just do what needs to be done with no hard feelings.

Rule #6. The blame game.

Don’t get hung up on blame, of yourself or others. It’s healthy to realize when you screwed up. It’s also healthy to realize when someone screwed you over. But dwelling on blame keeps you from doing something about it. Once you realize something is wrong and you’ve assessed where it went wrong, learn your lesson and focus on taking positive action to improve the situation.

You can’t control how much stress life is going to throw your way, but you can control how you react to it.

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