Being a Vegetarian Guest

by Sarah (May 12, 2008)

Last week, I wrote about how friends and family members can accomodate vegetarian dinner guests. One of the things I pointed out was that vegetarians aren’t making their dietary choices in order to impose on anyone else - and given that, it’s also important for vegetarians to recognize the ways that they can make their dinner outings easier on everyone involved.

Unlike food allergies, diebetes or many other dietary restrictions, vegetarianism really is primarily based on choices, which makes it difficult for many to negotiate just how much accomodation can be expected. I’ve made the mistake in the past of not bothering to mention it at all, since I didn’t want my friends to have to spend too much time thinking about how to ensure I had enough to eat. While there were plenty of delicious side dishes and I didn’t lack for food, my hosts ended up feeling guilty and embarrassed because I couldn’t enjoy the main course, meaning that my intention ultimately backfired. So my first piece of advice is speak up - when you receive a dinner invitation, let your host know what you don’t eat.

Outside of the limitations that you strictly maintain, try to stay flexible and to communicate that flexibility to your host. If a friend or family member really has no idea what kinds of things vegetarians eat, offer a few suggestions of recipe sources that you like, or basic kinds of dishes that people tend to be able to adapt easily (stir fries, pastas, lasagnas or casseroles, for example) - or offer to bring the main dish for them to try and suggest that they prepare a salad or dessert.

Many people do need to be informed that most vegetarians are not okay to just pick meat or meat products out of the dishes that others will be eating. Be willing to speak up about this and explain that it really does take away from your ability to enjoy your meal if you’re constantly on the lookout for pieces of meat that you may have missed. You can’t expect that others won’t be eating meat in your presence, and if that makes you uncomfortable, you may have to start turning down a lot of invitations.

If you’re having dinner with a large group, it’s not reasonable to expect that a separate main dish will be prepared for you. Be content with the availability of some side dishes and fill yourself up on those. In general, try to be discreet about your avoidance of the meat-based dishes - sometimes non-vegetarians feel “judged” by vegetarian friends or relatives, and want to justify their choice to continue eating meat. If someone asks about why you’re vegetarian, be willing to answer briefly, politely and referring only to why you make that choice for yourself. Passionate political arguments are generally not going to make family gatherings any more pleasant. Thank your host for whatever accomodations have been made and assure them that you appreciate what they’ve provided, but don’t call too much attention to it.

As I said in the other article, family gatherings and dinnertime get-togethers are not really about the food, they’re about the companionship and enjoying the company around you. If someone isn’t able or willing to accomodate your needs, or if your explanation of you limitations was misinterpreted, take it in stride - apologize that you won’t be able to eat what your friend has prepared, tell them not to worry about it, and remind them that you’re there to enjoy the company.

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