Cell phone etiquette

I was responding to an article on ParentHacks about an article on TipNut about how much etiquette kids were taught in the 1950s compared to today, when something occurred to me:

Part of the reason why people – especially, but not only, young adults – are less considerate than they were 10 years ago is cell phones. And PDAs and iPods and Blackberries – all these handheld devices that link you to people who aren’t in front of your face and make you forget about the people who are right there with you. The following are not uncommon:

• People in movie theaters taking calls at full outdoor talking volume during the climax of the movie.
• Two people on a date. Both take calls and talk to other people simultaneously.
• Someone bumping into you in a store because they’re focused on the music in the iPod, the person on the other end of the phone, not you.
• Someone talking so loudly on the phone in their apartment with the window open that it keeps neighbors awake as much as a loud party would have – and they have no idea how loud they’re being.
• People driving like drunks even with hands-free phones because their mind is on the conversation, not the driving. And/or they’re relying on someone to tell them directions as they drive instead of bothering to map the route before they got in the car (or use a GPS system).

I propose that our society needs to establish cell phone etiquette.

If you think it’s obvious that someone talking on the phone during a movie is in the wrong, think again: I once got shushed by an usher for very quietly telling a loudly yapping man to hush or hang up (this was opening day on a blockbuster film, no less). Apparently the usher thought my right to hear the movie I’d paid to see didn’t trump the man’s right to yap on the phone. Most restaurants are also loathe to ban cell phones for fear of putting off customers. We can’t leave it up to businesses – who can blame them for not wanting to choose between two groups of customers?

Here are the rules I would suggest. Let me know in the comments what you would like to see!

• Put the people around you ahead of the person on the other end of the phone. If you master this one, you won’t need the others.
• In theaters or any situation where people have paid to listen to something, turn the cell phone off. Period. End of story.
• In restaurants and shops, keep cell phone calls to a minimum. I suggest about a two-minute limit. If a conversation goes longer than that, take it outside.
• Always use what people used to call an “indoor voice” on the cell phone. Even at home (you have neighbors who don’t want to hear your cell conversations anymore than they want to hear a loud domestic argument – and believe me, some of you use the same volume for both). The general rule of thumb with the indoor voice is: you’re louder than you think. Talk as quietly as you can and still be heard, and watch yourself for a case of the Slowly Escalating Volume. If the connection is so bad they can’t hear unless you shout, you need to hang up and email or something.
• Don’t take a call when you’re on a social outing.
• Always, always, always put your driving, walking and other activities ahead of your phone conversation. Even if your device is hands-free, you may not be dividing your attention as well as you think. If you talk hands-free while driving often, the way to tell if you’ve got the right mindset is: have you ever had to ask someone to repeat what they said to you on the phone because the traffic distracted you? If not, then you’re not paying enough attention to your driving. Yes, I know. Yes, I know that too. Yes, I’m hearing all your excuses, but you are mistaken. No one has such angelic traffic that driving never requires their undivided attention.

Like all rules, there will be exceptions to these. But I think this is a good starting point. Anymore suggestions?

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Posted in Parenting, Personal Development on August 22, 2008