The “What do you care?” solution

One of the most stressful parts of being human is dealing with conflict. Most people don’t like it, and will take a considerable amount of crap before getting into a conflict about it. We put up with difficult personalities, particularly at work where we have no choice. Or the people who bill us and schedule our appointments and do paid expert work for us make mistakes and we have to correct them. There’s so much conflict you can’t really afford to sidestep, why would you want to create more of it inside your head?

That’s exactly what many of us do. We perceive that someone’s being treated better than we are. We perceive that someone got away with something. Then we let these ideas rankle in our heads until they seem so huge and important that we can’t stand it anymore. We hate the person we perceived as getting special treatment. We worry that we’re about to get fired/dumped/cast aside like a used hanky. We create all this anxiety over something that might not even be a real issue. Because sometimes our perceptions don’t match those of anyone else in a situation, and we’re worrying over nothing.

“I can’t be bothered”

I had a co-worker years ago whose mantra was “I can’t be bothered.” She said this whenever she thought something unfair was going on that didn’t directly harm her. She wouldn’t have said it about a serious problem, like someone intimidating her in the workplace. But whenever she observed something that offended her, but didn’t really have anything to do with her, she shrugged and said, “I can’t be bothered.”

It’s not about ignoring stuff that’s wrong; it’s about picking your battles. Let’s say there’s no question one of your co-workers just got a perk that he didn’t deserve anymore than all the others who didn’t get it. Does that suck? Sure! Does it matter? Not really. What matters is whether you’re being treated fairly. If you are, then why get upset about someone else getting an undeserved perk? It’s actually none of your business, anyway. Or what if one of your co-workers uses up every last minute of his sick time with no repercussion while you dutifully drag yourself in with a broken leg, for fear the boss will think you’re not dedicated enough for a promotion if you take time off? Rather than getting upset, shouldn’t you just learn from this that it’s okay with your boss to take every minute of your sick time, and either take it and enjoy yourself or don’t take it but don’t worry about it, either.

Or let’s say there have been layoffs, and now you’re expected to do half of a former employee’s job alongside your normal duties – a common scenario in this economy. This absolutely sucks, but instead of dwelling on how unfair it is and getting yourself worked up in knots, why not devote your energy to finding more efficient ways of doing the work so it’s less pressure on you?

Life throws enough “real” problems at us – problems we can’t avoid tackling without giving up something important. Why not reserve your energy for those problems instead of creating additional ones in your head?

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