When people just won’t leave you alone at work

by Jen (October 22, 2007)

WebWorkerDaily has a great article on re-taking control of your day at work when you’re overwhelmed - for those of us who work in offices and are understood to have the right to say “no” to people.

What if you’re the receptionist? The mail room person? Some demanding person’s assistant? Or, heaven forbid, a restaurant server or store clerk? Those are the really stressful jobs, believe me; I’ve worked both. How do you insulate yourself when you’re understaffed or dealing with people who are so perfectionistic or micro-managerial that you’re about a hair away from strangling them or yourself?

Honestly, in the worst cases, there’s nothing to do but wait until it’s over. You can’t step outside to catch a breath because someone would grab you and ask for something before you’d ever make it to the door. Or it’s just not allowed by your boss or manager, one Ebenezer Scrooge. This is the unfortunate reality that quite a lot of people deal with every day.

If you’re in that situation, it’s all about what you do after your shift - you need a “recovery period”, even if it’s just a few moments. If you’re a mother, it’s likely you’re going home to much the same thing you left at work, with kids jumping all over you with news and trivia and questions and requests. It’s okay to teach your kids it’s not polite to bombard you when you’ve just gotten in the door. Tell them to give you a few minutes alone, and then they can bombard you all they want. Those few minutes - maybe doing some yoga stretches and deep breaths in your room, changing clothes, washing your face (metaphorically washing the work day away), or praying if you’re so inclined - can refresh you so you’re ready to enjoy your kids instead of feeling put-upon.

There are also some attitude changes you can often make that will help. If you’re the sort of person who immediately moves at top speed when someone asks you for something, try moving slower whether you’re grabbing a file or helping a customer find something. It’s amazing how much refusing to move at the speed you feel pressured to move at feels like a little rebellion against everything that’s overwhelming you.

And finally, if it’s at all possible, create a to-do list for yourself. When people ask for stuff from you, write it down on the list. Do this so they can see, or if you’re talking in email or on the phone tell them in a friendly, upbeat tone, “I’m adding it to my to-do list right now.” If they say, “But I need it immediately” just politely tell them other people also need things immediately (I’m assuming this is true - every job I’ve had, everyone thinks they need every tiny thing 5 minutes from now), and you’re getting to everything as quickly as you can. If they keep arguing, tell them the longer you spend discussing it, the less likely it is you’ll get it done in time. The trick here is to be very friendly and accommodating! Everything I’m advising you to say here has the potential to sound hostile or passive aggressive, like you’re trying to make a point about how over-worked you are. To sell this approach you need to smile and seem cooperative. Use smileys in email, or smile while you’re talking on the phone (you really can hear this in someone’s voice). Eventually, most people will begin to see the to-do list as your sincere effort to accommodate them as efficiently as you can, and thank you for adding their requests to the list.

If you’re in a job where none of these things work, I really hope you find a better job.

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